Parenting

What are the challenges that parents face while talking to their teenagers?

Teenagers sometimes live in their own bubble and at this stage, the parents face a lot of problems to deal with their emotional trauma and changing demands. The parents are sometimes confused and feel helpless to even talk to their teenage kids in a holistic manner.

The following points highlight some of the challenges parents face in conversation with their teenage child:

1. Friends are considered more important

At this age, the family seems to be an alien social institution for the kids as they wish to spend more time with their peers. Hence, they tend to consider their friends' views and suggestions rather than their parents.

They also give into peer pressure due to this reason. Hence, the parents find it difficult to establish that connection with the kids.

2. Advice is considered as criticism

There is also a tendency of the teenage children to consider any advice by their parents as criticism and often leads to ego-clashes on both sides.

The parents need to be extremely careful while articulating their thoughts to their children.

3. Generation gap

Generation Gap actually leads to a gap in conversations as well. While the parents feel there are some norms from their generation that should be continued to follow, children of this generation want total freedom and autonomy.

The topics which the parents want to discuss with the kids are also considered to be redundant by the children and sometimes these parents do not possess sufficient knowledge to talk about the topic liked by the younger generation.

The teenagers today face the academic pressures of the competitive world and the scenario was different from what happened in their parents’ generation.

4. Technology interrupts the conversation

The teenagers today have become the victims of technological addiction.

They are busy most of the times with their tablets, laptops or mobiles watching internet series, surfing through social websites or listening to music.

They prefer to live in the virtual world rather than the real world. This becomes a major roadblock to facilitate a healthy discussion between the parent and the child.

5. Mental Instability

Teenage is the face where the child is still immature to handle tough situations yet s/he wants to be independent in the decision-making capacity and dislike any kind of interference from their parents.

They are stuck between maturity and immaturity. It is a state of confusion and chaos in their minds. Thus, the parents face the challenge to deal with their issues with care, sensitivity along with rationality.

6. Changes in the family as an institution

Earlier the joint families allowed more conversation and bonding among the family members and the teenagers too liked being an integral part of it. Today, nuclear families have led to a disconnect between parents and children.

With both the parents working to meet the standard of living, a teenager too is involved with different stakeholders and not just the parents.
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How do we solve problems with teenagers?

Talk to them.

Communication is key of all the problems.

But remember one thing you need to be really calm and you need to explain them things (if they don't agree to you at some point).

Make them to understand that you are their parents and you love them by the best way they wanted for them.

You know their behavior and you know how they’re going to react to specific problems, it’s okay if they get mad. But trust them and they knew that you never abandon them. Because you are the one who are going to love them the most on this planet.

But remember one thing, they love you the most, they always wish to give good for you.

Dont be friend with them but be friendly, by being as a friend with them, they may get a good friend, but they may miss a fathership which they love to see in you. Be a good father or mother, because they wish to follow your footsteps to bring their childrens up.

Bringing up a teenager is like holding sand in your hands. You cannot leave it too loose; you cannot hold it too tight. So you have to know exactly how much pressure you have to give to the child. If you give more than that, it will not be good, they will rebel or they will go crazy. But with no pressure at all, they will do nothing. Tomorrow they will blame you for not disciplining them. So we need to find that fine balance; we need to walk the tightrope.”
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Can you be a better parent?

Yes...

You can be a better parent if you know or derive answers to the following questions.

You can have your parents for assistance because they knew how hard was it to bring you up you as a teeneger.

It must be hard for them because there is not much technology, awareness, treatment, education.....available on those days for them to help you or watch you.

If your parents were blessed with such a Parenting as you got it from them, your parents would have been something above you. True or not?

They are not educated much as you got education, but by educating you in such a way that you have grown now, they proved that they are the most educated.

Now the questions for you are:

• How to make them handle ‘peer pressure’?
• How to develop ‘empathy’ in them?
• How to help them handle ‘distractions’?
• How to have a great conversation with them?
• How to make them ‘believe’ in themselves?
• How to make them ready to ‘adapt’?
• How to make them ready for a VUCA world?
{A world that is Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous}.
[Stability and certainty does not exist in that world. This is what the future is]
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What are some positive parenting tips?

As a parent, doing the following things can help the teen during this time:

1. Talk with them about drugs, tobacco, and alcohol without being judgmental.
2. Help them understand the changes their bodies are going through.
3. Talk to them about the dangers of unsafe sex and teenage pregnancy.
4. Be ready to address their concerns and problems.
5. Involve them in setting household rules and schedules.
6. Encourage them to volunteer and get involved in community activities.
7. Set rules about media use without being dictating.
8. Encourage them to get enough sleep and physical activity.
9. Talk about body image and self-worth.
10. Encourage them to eat healthy foods and be active.
11. Compliment them and celebrate their efforts and accomplishments.
12. Respect the teen’s opinions and listen to them without judging them.
13. Respect their need for privacy.
14. Support their gender identity and love them for it.
15. Know how to recognize the signs and symptoms of eating disorders and other mental problems.
16. Tell them about the dangers of the internet and teach them about digital safety.
[29/12, 11:13 am] AZEEZ: Final words...

The only thing we know for certain about raising teenagers is we have no idea what we are doing.

Every day we are just hoping we didn’t mess up too badly, trying to do a little better than the previous day.

Stumbling, bumbling, struggling, forgiving, talking, ignoring, guiding, praying, wishing, wondering, stressing...etc...

We believe better Parenting is guiding  them to the right path, building for them right career and giving them better future.

But truly it is not true. Your best option  is loving them the only way I know how: with all your heart and everything you have. And hoping that it’s enough.

Your love does all the above things you wished for your child to have on his or her own.

Your love does remembering you, thinking of your presence in your absence and thanking you for everything.

Your love does naming your name for their kids just to feel your presence with them for frequent calling.

Your love does the same thing to do to their kids and seeing the world through your eyes.

Your love does connect you the heaven and your home through your generation to come on this earth carrying your nature in them a little makes a big difference on leading their life.

Lets make a beautiful space for our generation who are yet to come, does not exist now.

Lets make a space for our unborn generation on this beautiful earth.

Azeez.